I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
