it's too hot outside to masturbate.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
