How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
only you would photoshop your dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize