I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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