she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
