Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
