1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
