i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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