brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
