why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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