i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
