i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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