she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
