I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
