did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They are going to name an STD after you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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