Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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