Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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