Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
