I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want a musical about memes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
