i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
