Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
