We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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