everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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