Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
