Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
