tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
