Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The adults are the big ones right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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