I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
