I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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