The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
