I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
