my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
