Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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