Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
