ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
