Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
