Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
