ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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