I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize