dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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