get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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