Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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