so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
