Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
