i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
