I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
