Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
