Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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