Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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