I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
