Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
