just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
