this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
even my farts smell like vagina
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
