Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
