would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
