why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize