It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
