my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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