My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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