I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
