this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
