Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
