yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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