textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize