it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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