Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
