you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
