Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
