When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
