yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
