Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
