i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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