Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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